~SIGHS~

This Dragon is getting tiered of the same-old, same-old...not just in what I do, but in what others do that effect my life. I'm here with a smile on my face, seemingly unfazed by what happens...but no one seems to care what lies under the mask. Like this past event, sure I didn't know him and I might have only seen and/or talked to him once or twice but I was still connected, through stories and people. I know I've mentioned this before but I'll say it again, I'm an empathetic beast...even if I don't know why I can sense when others are happy, sad, strung-out, etc. That leaves me all torn between my feelings and others, I might not show it (and it might sound corny) but I hurt when you hurt. I don't have to be close to you, we might've not seen or talked to each other in months, but I can feel the highs....and, even more so, the lows.

Last week was just no good for not only me but many, because of one reckless person the world was a little more empty. The hearts of many sank shortly following the event as news spread...and mine sank with every one that it hit...which made me feel even worse that I didn't really know him. Fast forward to this past weekend...should I go, no...well, maybe...it might make me feel better about it. See the person for the first and last time...see the majority of the people that knew him, the lives that he touched. See the reason I was feeling so heart heavy...and instead of just catching passing emotions, be in the center of them all...maybe that would've done it for me. I would finally have an emotional overload...and after over ten years I would be able to let it all go...finally drop this stoic guise, and just cry.

That's right, I haven't cried in over ten year...even when I really wanted to...when I really needed to, it just never happens. Sure, I might have gotten a little teary eyed over the year...but it was only due to my super mystery allergen, or because I just choked on something...but I haven't really cried. I've only had one death in my family of someone I actually knew...someone I cared for and loved, and I wished I could've went out to Ireland for my grandfathers funeral. I might have been able to let it all out there...but, no...people convinced me that it wasn't for me, so I didn't go...and I didn't get that chance. Again, this past weekend, here I am, emotionally charged not only from myself but by everyone else...and I was convinced...no, this isn't for me, it's not the place or the time....and I'm left to stew in the sea of others emotions...my mask sealed on tight.

One day something will happen, not to me...but someone else, and there emotional downturn will push me over the edge and I'll just brake down and I'll have no clue why, except that something just happened to someone else. I just don't want to be stuck in breakdown mode when it happens...unable to stop crying, unable to feel anything else than that one last thing. Now normally I'm not depressed and I do my best not to be such, no matter what I can always see the brighter side of things in even the darkest times...but that's just me, when you add other peoples emotions into the mix, it's hard not to feel a little down when someone feels hopeless and trapped, and you feel what they feel. But, what's happened has happened, not saying it happened for a reason just that you can't change it...the only thing you have control over is right now and where it might take you to.

All I ask is that you don't feel sorry for me, the empathy magnet doesn't need you to empathise with him...but just understand what I feel, why I feel it, and how I deal with it. I might not know why you're sad or down, but I do know how bad you feel and I'll do my best to make you feel better...not just for my own benefit, but for yours as well, because the truth is...no mater who you are, where you're from, what happened in the past, and how others treat or perceive you...I really do care. >^.=.^<

100+ Things About Me

You're supposed to pass this on, but I don't really care if you do or not. Tag 15 people.

LAST:


1. Beverage→ Dr. Pepper


2. Phone call→ The IATSE Work Hall (no work today. Damn!)


3. Text message→ Zac (such a sweetie)


4. Song you listened to→ something by Postal Service


5. Time you cried→ I haven't cried since I was 6yrs old, for no apparent reason, & I haven't cried since then even if I want and try to (guess my body just doesn't like it).




HAVE YOU EVER:


1. Dated someone twice → I would have to say yes, though I can't remember who & when. >~.=.~<


2. Been cheated on? By definition, no...but from someone else's perspective, yes.


3. Kissed someone & regretted it? No, I never regret anything.


4. Lost someone special?→ There have been many losses in my life, not as much as others, but the one that hit me the hardest was my dog Harley >y.=.y< (our landlady forced us to find someone to take him...she didn't like him when he barked).


5. Been depressed?→ Yes, but sometimes there's no real reason for it.




LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:


1. Green


2. Red


3. Black


4. Purple




HAVE YOU:


1. Made new friends→ Yes, but not as many as one would think.


2. Fallen out of love→ No, I just realized that I'm just less "in love" with one and/or more "in love" with someone else.


3. Laughed until you cried→ Yes & no, I should have cried but didn't.


4. Met someone who changed you→ Yes, but I don't want to embrace them.


5. Found out who your true friends were→ All my friends are true & blue. >^.=.^<


6. Found out someone was talking about you→ Yes, though I don't mind...as long as it's not negative.


7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ Yes, I'm sure I have.


8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life→ Just about everyone...there have only just recently been people that I haven't a clue who they are.


9. How many kids do you want to have→ One, maybe two...


10. Do you have any pets→ One dog...he's out with my boi-o.


11. Do you want to change your name→ Though it's not the best, I can live with it, so no.


12. What did you do for your last birthday→ Went to AC and met my boi-o


13. What time did you wake up today→ 9:45a


14. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Sleeping, and dreaming of my boi-o. >^.=.^<


15. Name something you CANNOT wait for→ To move in with my boi-o.


16. Last time you saw your father→ Right now, sleeping on the other couch.


17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life→ My current employment status (which is currently non-existent).


18. What are you listening to right now→ My dad ZEN mp3 player on shuffle, and the fish tank.


19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom→ Yes, when I do get through he gives me my work.


23. What's getting on your nerves right now?→ The distance between my and my boi-o


24. Most visited web page→ MySpace/FurAffinity/ZeroPunctuation/Fur-Piled/LightUpBox




1. What's your name→ Robert William Krause


2. Nicknames→ (BigBouncing)Bob [the Personality], William Heyer Yamagoshi (WHYtheDragon) [the Fur], ZedDeath (the GameGod) [the Gamer]


3. Relationship Status→ Ocupado/Taken/Not available/Look Elsewhere


4. Zodiac sign→ Cancer/Dragon


5. Male, female or transgendered→ Male


6. Elementary→ Queen of Angels/Pilgrim Lutheran School/Mary E. Courtenay Language Arts Center


7. Middle School/Jr. High → Lyman A. Budlong

8. High school→ Northside College Prep./Truman Middle College


10. Hair color→ Brown (But prefers it to be Green)


11. Long or short→ Short


16. Height→ 6'2"


17. Do you have a crush on someone?→ I have little crushes here and there...my boi-o gets jealous, but he has no worry, he's got my heart.


18: What do you like about yourself?→ My odd personality.


19. Piercings→ None, and would only consider getting one or two in my ears...but that's a big maybe.


20. Tattoos→ None at the moment, but I'm most certain that I'll get a kick-ass one soon enough.


21. Righty or lefty→ Primarily righty, but am ambidextrous

FIRSTS :


22. First surgery→ Tonsils and adenoids when I was five


23. First piercing→ None, but it would be one of my ears.


24. First TRUE best friend→ Michael-John...unfortunately I haven't heard from him in many-a-year.


26. First sport you joined→ Flag-Football in eighth grade.


27. First pet→ Harley, my mixed mutt dog back when I was four or five...he was the best dog ever!


28. First vacation→ Black Hills, South Dakota (was a rode trip with my brothers and father, what a crazy trip!)


29. First concert→ Jimmy Buffet (not my choice, but was surprised when I saw a fight brake out...those crazy Parrot Heads).


30. First crush→ Some girl named Cassy, like back in fourth grade.

RIGHT NOW:


49. Eating→ Nothing.


50. Drinking→ Nothing.


52. I'm about to→ Eat dinner.


53. Listening to→ ZEN mp3 player on shuffle (what will be next!?) and the fish tank.


55. Waiting for→ The day when I can be with my boi-o finally.

YOUR FUTURE :


58. Want kids? Perhaps...but that's in the far distant future.


59. Want to get married? Hells yeah!


60. Careers in mind? The only thing I can really see myself doing as a Career is being an IATSE StageHand.




WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX ONE YOU'RE WITH?


68. Lips or eyes→ Eyes


69. Hugs or kisses→ Kisses


70. Shorter or taller→ Shorter


71. Older or Younger→ Well, as long as they're not too young or too old, it's all good.


72. Romantic or spontaneous→ Spontaneously Romantic (even more than myself).


73. Nice stomach or nice arms→ Tummy!


74. Sensitive or loud→ Sensitive.


77. Trouble maker or hesitant→ A nice mix that counter balances my Hesitant-Trouble making.




HAVE YOU EVER :


78. Kissed a stranger→ Indeed


79. Had a one night stand→ I wouldn't say so...though many would say, yes.


80. Lost glasses/contacts→ Yes...my sunglasses! Ahh! I'm blind(ed)!


81. Sex on first date→ Yeah, but it's not like that's a bad thing.


82. Broken someone's heart→ I sure hope not, I would feel so awful if I did and would want to know what I could do to make it up to them.


83. Had your own heart broken→ I wish it were so easy...but my hide is thick.


85. Been arrested→ Never!


86. Turned someone down→ Yes


87. Cried when someone died→ No...but I wish I could...it sure would have made me feel better sooner.


88. Liked a friend that is a boy? Yes! In fact, I've done more than just liked them...but I won't go there, my boi-o might kill me.




DO YOU BELIEVE IN:


89. Yourself→ Yes, but I'm always in debate about it.


90. Miracles→ Kinda, they're more of statistical anomalies to me.


91. Love at first sight→ Indeed.


92. Heaven→ Something of the sort...but definitely not the way most see it as.


93. Santa Clause→ Of Course!!!! >^.=.^<


95. Kiss on the first date?→ Yes, but only if it's not forced.


96. Angels→ Something of the sort, but with light there is darkness...but I am comfy with both sides.




ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:


97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?→ Indeed, but he is states away...and I'd give anything to be with him right now.


98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?→ Yes...one of each, that was a strange time for me.


98. Do you believe in God.→ I believe everyone is/has there own god/entity/deity, and it's within there power to change there life for the better or worse.


99. Am doing this because I was tagged?→ Nope...though I was tagged, it's more because I'm board as hell.


100. Post as 100 truths.→ Never!!!

Mr. Love

So the day of love went well, though I myself were not present my darling love got all gooshy and heart-struck when he got my little gift package. I know it's a little cheesy, roses and chocolates...but not as much when those are some of his favorite things, of course yours truly is on the top of the list. But cut roses are overdone and only last so long, but a mini rose plant will last as long as it's taken care of. As for the chocolates, it wasn't my uncles fancy home-made gourmet chocolets this time (unfortunately he had to stop that little business, he couldn't keep up with the orders), but an over sized Hershy Kiss.

After melting in my ear for about two hours, I started to wounder...what wonderful things would have happened if I was there. All I do know is that he and I would have been even more overjoyed and hyper than we were. The point is, I want this to be the last time I missed something like that or anything along the line...even just the regular days, because you never know when the special ones will come along and get cha.