Time To Sort It Out

So, yeah...from all the nice, there must be bad...and any simile there is linked to that (light-dark, good-evil, awesome-suck), but i never like clean cut left and right...I like the middle. Just chill right there where everyone gives me a sickly face telling me to pick a bloody side already, there's no point in dragging it on right in the middle cause everyone gets hurt to some degree...or, whatever. I like the middle...but I also like fairness, so don't try to bring up the "oh, but you voted democratic" bull-shit...any-who, it's not about the black man right now, it's about me...the Bi man!!! ~sighs~ Or so I thought...or, idk...I guess that's why I'm writing this up. What the Feck am I!!! >*.=.*<

Yar, so there were questions plowing through my head, not just this past weekend but for over a year now...am I really Bi? I found someone I willing to be with...but am I giving up an entire side of my identity by being with him? Now don't get me wrong, I love him...and I'll never stop loving him...but at the same time, it eats at me that I'll always be thrown into one side or the other no mater who I'm with. Is there a way I can maintain my sexual identity without jeopardizing my relationship? ~sighs~ This is the worse Catch-22 that I can think of...

As it has been stated by many, I am a very loving and pleasing person...which almost always leads to sex in the end. But...why? I do like it, but sometimes it seems that's all there is to some of my "friendships"...others, not so much. But it's not like one's better that the other...I like to be around people and interact with them, even if that interaction involves sex...it's because of the positive energy I get from the interactions. That's all I'm really after, the positive energy to counter balance all the negative I have to deal with.

But back to the whole, Bi thing...I guess I consider myself Bi because I have no problems with either side...there are pluses and minuses, but emotionally sex is sex. It gives me the same positive charge no mater who I'm with. Physically on the other hand...well, actually I don't like it...I like everything up to the sex itself, physically. So really I just get off to the positive emotional charge and the chemical release...that's the only thing that keeps me wanting more. But having a mate makes it hard, mainly because it's a long distance relationship...he understood that and let me be open, the catch...only with guys. I got why, but that didn't keep me from asking myself, would I really want to be with a girl again....I've only been with one before him, and it was ok.

Finding myself in an unlikely situation at MFF...I found myself testing that question. It was something I shouldn't have done, but I did it because I needed an answer before it was to late. The answer was...I still don't know! It was an interesting experience but it didn't really answer the damn question...am I Bi, or am I really just Gay and don't want to admit it?

Of course this brings up a whole slew of questions...but to sum them all up, are people born gay, bi or straight...do we chose, or is it decided by our environment? But...what is the true answer, or is there one...some say it's choice, others say it's genetics, and the rest say it's due to the events in there lives. I don't even wanna get religion involved, mainly cause that's not my ground to stand on and I don't wanna touch it. Icky!

I guess writing this helps some bit...but even then, I have no clue...I actually kinda want some input on this one if the few of ya who watch me would indulge me. Do I actually have an bi identity or am I running from the inevitable? IDK...I'm tired of asking with no one answering...or getting an answer that is just to shut me up. I know someone has to even have a half answer that would help me...anyone?

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The dragon in question,


WHY >y.=.y<