Kink Test

I'm Blue? Wow...and I kinda held back when I answered this, I'm much kinkier than I thought. Of course when it comes to getting down to buissnes, I'll hold back untill someone gives me a little push.

Your result for The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test...

Blue (450 nm)

You scored 61% self-confidence and 54% bandwidth!

Wow! You have quite a big repertoire when it comes to kinky sex. And you're probably also willing to play on either side of the fence. You should look for another Blue, or an Ultraviolet if you want to broaden your horizon. Greens may be okay as well but will probably bore you after a while. Reds are too vanilla for you.

But I promised you a more detailed analysis, so here it is. Note that most scales are twofold: There are separate values for giving (active) and receiving (passive). If you scored high on one of them, you should look for a partner who scored high on the other. If you scored high on both of them, go for someone who is similar (or for multiple partners if you're into that). If you scored low on both, this probably is not your kind of kink.

You scored 80% giving and 77% receiving on oral.

You scored 67% giving and 90% receiving on anal.

You scored 15% giving and 14% receiving on bondage.

You scored 48% giving and 33% receiving on humiliation.

You scored 44% giving and 45% receiving on pain.

You scored 55% dominance and 50% submission.

You scored 63% voyeurism and 36% exhibitionism.

Besides that, you're 13% into fetishism and 68% polysexual (i.e. interested in sex with multiple partners, whether at the same time or not). You'll probably want a partner who is similar, whether you scored high or low in these categories.

Finally, you scored 33% on autoerotic - a scale that measures your ability and/or willingness to have kinky fun without a partner. It's not exactly a matching criterion, but it's good for you if your score is high. Keep it up!

Take The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test at HelloQuizzy

Who Cares

It's not a question in this particular case, just a title...I know that there are many who care, though they don't show it on the outside...on the inside, I can feel it. I just wish some would stop bottling what they really feel about others because of how they would look if they expressed these feelings outwardly. But I guess I'm not one to talk since I keep to myself most of the time, worried about how other will take the true me...but, being put into situations where I have to show my true self, most people don't care or already knew. Most people, like myself, beat themselves up inside worrying how other will react to the truth and the truth is most people either don't care or are fine with it no matter what...because, you are you...just because you tell them a piece of the puzzle doesn't change the overall picture, you. Those who care about you will look past the little things, even if they disagree with them and see that's what made you...you.

People spend to much time looking at the small things without realizing that there's more...now, I'm not saying you should stop looking at the small things, not at all...just realize that it's all part of something larger than one can really understand. For example, love...a seemingly simple expression yet complex emotion. People have fought and died in the name of love...and others have tried to stop it because they feared of what might happen. Romeo and Juliet, star crossed lovers, did anything to be together even though nearly everyone was against it...but once it happened, did the fighting stop? Of course the families grieved, but for how long...no one has ever thought of that, of course that is just works of fiction. What about this real world...where two people are meant to be together but nearly everyone in the world is against it. I know it's late to be getting on my soap box about this, but I never really said anything about it...and I feel that I must.

People have been fighting for their rights since the beginning, since one found something different about another and said this is the rules for us and the rules for them...because they don't deserve the same, for whatever reason. Sex, gender, race, religion, color, creed, views, orientation...what-have-you...whatever they could use to say, they're different and so should their rules. Everyone has had their movement and has gained their ground in equality; from America's movement away from Britain, slaves movement to freedom, then away from segregation, women moved to the right to vote, then towards equal pay and such...of course there are more, farther back and many sprinkled in between...another like LGTBQ fight against discrimination to the current struggle...a family. Why is it that any group has had to fight the hardest for things that seem like a no brainer?

I speak now because I know this will effect me, and others I know, very soon down the road...and I will be on the front lines fighting for something that I thought didn't need explaining. The fight against us saying that they need to preserve the sanctity of marriage, that they're doing it for the children (theirs and ours), so that children can grow up in a traditional family or what-have-you...since when has any family been traditional, since when has marriage been sanctified, since when has anything a large group of strangers done, for "the good of the children", ever been that good for the children? Nowadays people can get hitched on a whim just about anywhere really and get divorced for the most trivial thing, whether or not there are children involved! Parents, who shouldn't even be called that, are saying "fuck them, what about me?"...I'm sorry, I don't see where these nay sayers get off saying we'll destroy family values when there's not much left in the first place. Devoices, single parents, fatherless or motherless children...and even the kids that have both parents that are still together, well even then they usually don't get the attention that they need, they act out, and there's trouble, staring us in the face again. I don't want to keep going on, because I could...forever and ever...but I'll leave you with a word from Mr. Olbermann after Prop 8 came through.

The Dragon Cryed Today...

It wasn't the on that I've been waiting for, where everything catches up to me; the emotions, the actions, the events, the people that have been building up for nearly fifteen years, and then they all come crashing down upon me from past, present and future. No, it wasn't that kind of crying...but it's a start.

I've just been putting up with so many things and have done my best to not be effected by them...to shrug them off when need be, or just ignore them. I know it's not good to bottle things up inside...it does terrible things to you physically and emotionally, but I had no other way aside from bottling them, shelving them, and dealing with them at another time. One of those bottles broke today...it was a small one, and a good one..in a sense.

Things have happened in the past few days, and even weeks, that I have no real control over and can't really be explained...but they happen and I hurt because of them. A death of a great man that I did not know and the flow of emotions that followed in his wake...I felt the sorrow of many that week, and still do, from some I knew but many that I have never met. This isn't the first time I have felt the sorrow of those who morn...but this is one of few out of many that I could not ignore. I made an attempt to morn with those who knew him best, to actually meet the people who tears I felt...but I was told nay, I didn't not know him...why should I be there amongst those who did...that cut me to the core, and that scar will be with me till I pass and turn to dust.

I did my best to bottle those many emotions, very few mine, and set them aside while I tried to deal with my personal life at hand. I presented the visit of my mate this next month to my mother...I was suspecting that she wouldn't be thrilled, but Fortuna smiled upon me that day not once but twice. She later told me that she told her husband that night...a good man, but I wasn't sure how he would react given his upbringings. A church goer, right-minded republican, with all the trimmings and such...don't get me wrong, like I said, he's a good man...funny, respectful, and a joy to be around. Seems like I struck a good chord with him, because he didn't seem to have any trouble with my mate coming to visit...in fact, he couldn't wait to meet him.

That lifted so much weight off my shoulders...but there was more to come the next day, Tuesday. I called my older brother up to see what was going down this week, he was suppose to come out that day...our sister following a few days later, to take a friend in town out for a little birthday party. He was delayed because, (in his own words) I got this girl I need to holler at for a minute, I'll be there next Thursday. He asked how I was doing, how things were at home...and with my mate. I told my brother that he was planing a trip out at the beginning of April...and to my surprise, my brother said he and our sister would try to make it out that weekend so they could meet him. I knew he always gave a half a thought about me from time to time...but I didn't know he cared so much.

Earlier today, I went over the past weeks events with my counselor (whatever you wish to call him)...and I found myself in tiers about this as I recalled it to him. This is the first time in at least fifteen year that I've cried about anything let alone something as little as this. But with pleasure comes pain...Monday night I broke a promise, something that I near to never do. Something that might compromise, not only the visit, but my relationship...and maybe even my life. There is no worry, I will not do something irrational...but I might become unattached from this world, even more so than I am now. I just hope that my mate can forgive me...it was the first time in my life that I've ever regretted doing something. But by doing what I did, I might have destroyed the first thing that has made me feel human...and have lost the first and only person that I love, care, and would do anything, even die, for. I have felt the pain of many through my life...but his is the only one that makes me hurt like it's my own...and I haven't emotionally felt much of anything for at least fifteen year.